“I didn’t fail one thousand times; the lightbulb was invented in one thousand steps”
(Thomas Edison’s theorem for success). Perhaps Edison was the first to realize that failures are powerful ways to lead a person to success.
As I write about lessons learned from clients, colleagues, and family, I realize that I must also mention the important lessons learned from life’s failures—specifically, my own.
Personal Failure: My father’s sudden passing was the biggest shock that our family had ever experienced. He was the type of person who worked hard all his life and passed down his work ethic to me and my siblings. He was the healthiest person I knew and was in tip-top physical shape. As a matter of fact, two weeks before his death he helped move me into my new house and basically did the bulk of the work; he teased me since I needed to take a break every hour or so. I remember him saying, “I’m more than twice your age, and you don’t see me resting.” Yet two weeks later, his heart gave out while he was asleep.
Although he and I didn’t see eye to eye on many topics, when he passed, it had the most substantial impact on my life; it made me realize that it was time for a major life re-evaluation. At the time, my consulting practice was thriving, but this also meant I was never home, and my longest relationship never lasted more than three months. My priorities quickly shifted from building a business to building a family. Cut to several years later: the realization set in that my wife and I had failed to do our due diligence to ensure compatibility. We ended up divorced after twelve years. I often believe that your spouse can either be your support system or your stress source. I’m sure you can guess what we were for each other.
Coming out of a lengthy, unfriendly, and fairly expensive divorce left me with two objectives in mind: to pay attention to my three beautiful children who never signed up for a broken home, and to dig myself out of the major financial hole I found myself in. I believe that
“there are four main motivations for success: hunger, anger, revenge, and ego,”
and I had at least three out of four at the time. As the dark clouds cleared, the blue sky began to emerge in the form of hard work, opportunity, and a bit of luck. I was able to establish what was genuinely important to me and resume the race against time and destiny.
Business Failure: During this same period, and while raising three babies that God blessed us with, the road life required for consulting was suddenly not an option. Therefore, I decided to invest in a small local wall décor company. Within the first two years, I applied every business skill I had and managed to stabilize the small company; it grew three times its original size and eventually supported over forty employees. As my personal life demanded more of my time, so did my business. I started to struggle with the balancing act. To make matters worse, it was 2007 and the beginning of the biggest housing crisis our country would face. People were losing their homes, resulting in a low demand for wall décor; furniture stores were not buying our product. Every business fiber in me predicted a massive hurricane coming my way and suggested reducing employees to lower costs and weathering the storm, but the human, optimistic side told me to ignore my business instincts. The company didn’t survive, and I walked away with tons of debt, no income, three kids to support, and a troubled marriage to try to save.
For years, I struggled to figure out if my failed marriage resulted in business failure or the other way around. It turns out it was neither; it was simply the perfect storm. Later, as the denial diminished and reality set in, I came to the simple conclusion that
“sometimes, when you chase two rabbits, you catch none.”
My personal experiences have led me to believe there is no “top” for a person to reach. They may think they have hit the apex of their life or business, but achievement is a living concept that is ever evolving with each stage of life; it is an ongoing climb to something better. Sometimes you may feel the climb is taking all your strength, but the success that follows is real, and your progression is tangible. There may be other times
you feel as though you are losing traction and sliding back to novice ways.
“Whether you’re climbing or sliding, standing still is not an option.”
Every decision, every trial, and every tribulation leads you one step closer to your destiny.
