Breaking the rubberband

I often refer to the similarities between raising kids and managing employees, and mention that being a consultant is very similar to being a parent.

Among the many mistakes I’ve made, both as a parent and as a business owner or manager, is pushing too hard. I always aim to help my kids and my team reach their maximum potential, but I believe humans are capable of doing far more than they realize. We tend to stay in our comfort zone, and few of us test the limits of our God-given potential.

As a parent, I pushed my oldest son from an early age — from playing soccer at four years old, his mountain biking phase, to his four years of high school lacrosse; he always exceeded expectations. He was part of the winning team more often than he expected.

However, just like a rubber band has its limit, so do people. While I enjoyed his success, I also take the blame for pushing too hard. At the age of 19, my son dropped out of college, lost interest in reaching new heights, and turned in the wrong direction. As a parent who had invested so much time trying to mold him into what I thought was best, I failed to realize that maybe I expected too much. At times, seeking perfection comes at the cost of being happy. In those cases, is it really even considered “success”?

When our father-son relationship deteriorated to the point of minimal contact, I was more consumed with disappointment than reflection. Eventually, he mustered the courage to confront me and said he felt that no matter how hard he tried, he’d never be good enough for me. That was the wake-up call I needed to realize I had exceeded his stretching capacity; I should have backed off quite some time ago.

I’ve been known for letting go of too many employees for failing to meet my expectations, often measuring them by what was accomplished rather than what could have been accomplished. Ninety percent of the time, I didn’t look back, but on a few occasions, I realized I just lost a good employee because I failed to recognize their limits.

Mistakes are part of life. They are the building blocks of success. I truly believe that. My favorite saying is:

“We don’t get smarter with age; we simply run out of mistakes”

I hope that at my age I’m starting to run low on mistakes.

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